Account for the relationship as it is now
Use a tone that fits the present relationship, not the closeness, authority, or access that existed in the past. For a message about how to congratulate someone on a new job, use this factual base: name the milestone and, when you know it, the effort or meaning behind it.
Ask without assigning an obligation
Explain what you hope for while making decline, delay, or a different format genuinely acceptable. Offer warm recognition and let the recipient decide whether they want a call, visit, gift, or quiet celebration. Make the immediate next step clear enough that the recipient can answer without reconstructing the entire history.
Keep the ending honest
Do not make assumptions about pregnancy, money, relationships, health, or what the achievement should mean next. Follow the person's lead on privacy before sharing their news or photos with anyone else. Avoid future promises, guilt, flattery, or nostalgia that imply the recipient owes you access.